Parenting is like a see-saw. One moment, you’re the best thing since sliced bread and the next, you can be the worst mum in the world (or dad).

I got thinking about this the other day. William was playing a computer game one evening and I told him nicely that he could have five more minutes before it needed to be turned off.

“Muuum, you’re ruining all my fun!” He cried.

It’s a phrase I’m familiar with, just like “that’s so unfair!” and “I don’t like you anymore”. These all get wheeled out from time-to-time by my children when my parenting doesn’t match their ideas of what they should be allowed to do.


The worst mum in the world?

You decide.

According to my kids, here are other ways that I am, apparently, the worst mum in the world.

I tell them that no, they can’t have any snacks because their dinner is nearly ready.

Apparently, this is in no way acceptable and I am leaving them to starve. Because y’know, a packet of crisps is SO much better for your body and your health than a hot, nutritious meal.

Asking my son if he’d like to try a piece of broccoli for once in his goddamn life.

Okay, I can kind of understand this one coming from my son. He has been – and still can be – a fussy eater. I’ve been known to sneak fruit and vegetables into his food in order to get him to eat them before.

He’s getting a lot better now when it comes to the food he eats, so I’m trying to be less sneaky and try more positive encouragement. No matter how hard I try though, broccoli is still a big no-no.

On the plus side, I have finally persuaded him to try carrots. Guess what? He likes them!

Whenever I beat them at Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing on the PS3.

Yes, I’m aware we’re totally behind the times by still owning a PS3. No, I don’t beat them at this racing game on purpose. Sometimes I just cannot be as crap as they want me to be in order to win every single time.

Screen-free days.

Surprisingly enough, I’m not okay with letting them sit indoors day after day staring at a TV, tablet or computer console.

Unsurprisingly enough, I’m often told that I’m ruining all their fun.

Suck it up, kids. Suck it up.

Putting them to bed.

They have a bedtime curfew. They don’t like it.

Making them go to school

What an awful mother I am.

Insisting they do their school homework.

Even though they both get it done in about 5 minutes flat and enjoy doing it, I am apparently the worst mum ever for reminding them that they need to complete their homework.

Sunday night hair washing.

This is like the homework issue. They don’t mind the actual act of hair washing, but they don’t being told that it needs doing. Maybe they just have something against the sound of my voice?

Using the phrase ‘drama llama’.

Olivia and William have this ‘thing’ about the word ‘llama’ at the moment; they find it hilarious. Unless you pair it with ‘drama’. Then it becomes ‘the phrase that must never be uttered on pain of death’. I have no idea why.

When I don’t give them enough cuddles.

Now this one’s kind of sweet. Easily fixed too!